marginalia: (tara's an angel)
disagree (1) ([personal profile] marginalia) wrote2011-08-16 08:08 pm

Fic: Quite a new thing (Bridesmaids, Becca/Rita)

Title: Quite a new thing
Fandom: Bridesmaids
Pairing: Becca/Rita
Author: [personal profile] marginalia, skirmishes against the author
Notes: For [livejournal.com profile] bonmot507 in [community profile] femslash11. I own nothing, title from ee cummings.

Becca had to admit to herself that she was a little grateful they never made it to Las Vegas. She was sorry, of course, that Lillian didn’t get the perfect wild bachelorette weekend of everyone’s dreams, she was definitely sorry she never got to see Criss Angel, but she was also relieved that she could delay all the other scary and exciting things that a drunken weekend in Vegas could bring.

Her husband Kevin could be a lot of things, but scary and exciting he definitely was not. He was her best friend, her better half, and her partner in crime for sure, but the only thing he ever did that truly surprised her was when he got out of the shower that first night in Disney World, set his glasses on the desk, crawled into bed, kissed her cheek, and went right to sleep as she shivered in the hotel AC, wondering where her pink whisper of a nightie had gone wrong.

It’s a surprise Becca tried to think about as little as possible. Everything else had gone according to the storybook plan. She had met Kevin in high school, at a party three weeks after she got her license, and they claimed fiercely to be just friends until senior prom where, as she would sigh dreamily, everything changed.

They thwarted all the conventional wisdom, holding together a long distance relationship through college, and both got started on their careers before they set the date. It was the responsible thing, they both agreed, just as they agreed on everything else: where they would live, the number of children they would have, and how perfect Disney World was for their sweetheart honeymoon. And it had been perfect, except for that one surprise.

::

“I get tired of the responsible thing, you know?” Becca tilted her glass towards Rita, sloshing dangerously. “That’s why this drink is an excellent idea. But I’m only a little tired of it. Mostly, I want babies. Tiny babies with Kevin’s face and my hair. But,” she added, “I can’t do that on my own. If you know what I mean.”

“Oh honey,” Rita said, leaning closer on the first class armrest. “I have the opposite problem. If we put those boys together we’d have an actual complete man I suppose. And then we would have to share him, because otherwise that would be just too exhausting. Or we could just switch off. You could have the sex, and I could go to Disney World. Hey!” she said, overloud. “It’s never too late to have a happy childhood, right? So it’s never too late to live out your slutty college years either!”

“Because those are totally the same thing.” Becca said, blushing.

“Well! You know what I mean.” Rita sat back, satisfied with her plan. “You should be allowed to figure out what you want in the bedroom. And you two definitely need to figure out what he does and doesn’t want.” She looked at Becca. “Does he want kids at all?”

“Oh, yes! We both do, but sometimes I think he even wants them more.” Becca smiled to herself. “And I want them so much. That’s part of what makes it so hard.”

“I thought I wanted them,” Rita said. “And I did. And I do, really, despite what it sounds like. But I want so much more softness. My house is too full of men. I don’t want to be one of the boys.”

“You’re not!” Becca clasped her hand. “You’re so much more than that!”

Rita brushed the comment away and waved to the flight attendant for another drink.

::

Later, neither of them would be able to say who started the kiss; they both just found themselves first in the middle of it, and then in the middle of Annie-inspired confusion and on to Annie-provoked embarrassment that temporarily outshone everything else they had been through on the plane. On the bus back home they chose different seats by a strange, unspoken mutual agreement. Becca drank from the largest bottle of water she could find at the bus station while she watched the countryside slide by the window.

It was a quite a new thing, this thing inside her, this thing that had maybe been there all along, but quiet and biding its time. This strange new electric thing that made her wonder how much of her young marriage was defined by her and how much by Kevin, this new thing that kept her from looking properly at Rita until she had learned exactly what it was. But even glancing out the corner of her eye, she could see Rita trying not to look at her either, and it filled her with a scaryexciting flutter she couldn’t yet understand.

::

Becca handled every new thing in her life the same way: conducting copious research in the bookstore cafe, paging through books she had little intention of buying, and drinking coffee that did nothing to steady her nerves. She believed any issue could be solved if only she read enough. The old standby did poorly by her now, though, as the self-help section was sadly lacking in anything beyond the roles that had already failed to satisfy her.

She moved on to web relationship resources, and discovered a whole new array of possibilities, ideas she had never thought much about, like asexuality, and others, like nonmonogamous relationships, that she had never much thought could apply to her. She wondered about outside assistance, wondered if she needed therapy or if Kevin did, but in the end came back to the truth: they were best friends. They knew each other so well they finished each other’s sentences. They had always tried to consider the other’s needs. It was a truth she needed to honor with honesty.

::

Honesty took time and awkwardness and tears, as it often must, but in the end Kevin understood that all she was looking for was room to stretch, to be strong, to her herself. She called Rita, and they agreed to meet at a cafe rather than a bar because Becca wanted to go into whatever this new thing might be with her eyes wide open.

“We’ve been doing a lot of thinking, Kevin and I,” Becca said. “A lot, and it’s been really hard. Hard for him to admit that our needs are different, and harder still to see that I didn’t want to leave him. I don’t want my slutty college years. I didn’t want them then, and I don’t want them now. I want.” Becca paused, and Rita could almost see the wheels turning in her brain. “I want some in-depth exploration. It's time to figure out what we want,” she said firmly. “Would you like to go exploring with me?”

Rita chuckled and took her hand. “I think I would like that very much.”

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