ficlet: counting

[marginalia]

[counting] - harry/neville for 15minuteficlets


"Blue," says Harry.

"Green," says Neville.

"But what if it's a blue-ish green?" Harry asks.

"Okay, then. I'll be red." Neville half-smiles at the waitress and tips cream into his coffee. "I like the clear ones. I can watch the cream twist all through it." It drifts in a cloud, spinning slowly.

"One," says Harry. "Wait, two." He dumps the packets of fruit jam out onto the table and sorts them by flavor. "I think she forgot my juice."

"I think she's busy." And when she saw your eyes she forgot her name.

"Did you call?"

Neville doesn't wait for him to finish the thought. "Yeah. Before you got up." Harry looks at him carefully. "I couldn't sleep." Neville's gaze flicks away. "One."

Harry nods. "Has there been . . "

"I didn't ask. I just told them we were coming. I thought you'd want."

"I do." The waitress delivers their plates. "Thanks." Harry pushes egg around his plate, then sets down his fork. "It's not that I don't trust . ."

"I know," Neville says. "I do. I always wished they would talk to me instead of just to Gran. I know."

"Three," Harry says. "Are you still counting?"

"Of course." But red is Ron and blue is loyalty and I think I'll let you this time.

America has the best healers and the most blue cars, and when Neville steps up to the counter to pay the check he asks for a tea to go.

Comments

[dorrie6.livejournal.com]

I really like this, and I think part of what I like is the fact that there is so much backstory, and we are left to figure it out ourselves. I'm sure half of what I'm reading into it isn't even what you intended, but I kinda love that. Plus.

And when she saw your eyes she forgot her name.

That line? Seriously made my heart skip a beat.

I really like this a lot.

[marginalia.livejournal.com]

i wrote it in the fifteen minutes, and then i spent another half hour worrying about it, which is so not the point of 15 minute ficlets. but i really loved the dialogue and so in the end i (obviously) decided that i didn't care that it didn't make sense to anyone but me.

and now i'm all kinds of curious what you think is going on :)

[dorrie6.livejournal.com]

FYI, I am trying to update my recs site (which had this on it), but this one is locked, and I can't find it at your website. Help!

[dacro.livejournal.com]

"I like the clear ones. I can watch the cream twist all through it." It drifts in a cloud, spinning slowly.

I love this line. It made me remember my time as a barista. I would love making the drinks in the clear mugs. I could make the coffee float on the steamed milk (just under the foam) and dance until the spoon mixed it all together. Love that image. Thanks for that! ;)

Harry and Neville are too sweet!
~J~

[marginalia.livejournal.com]

i just mary-sued the hell out of both of them in this one :)

i'm glad you liked it. i hope i manage to write the backstory :)

[dacro.livejournal.com]

I liked having to work for it a litle bit. It was worth it! ;)
~J~

[starfishchick]

Ooooh. Errr.

I like it, but I don't entirely *get* it, I don't think. I want to know more, which I suppose is the point. I saw your post elsewhere about how there is tonnes of backstory; give it to us, precious!!

I really liked Neville liking to watch the cream in the clear mug, and Harry sorting the jam - that's very me. :)

[marginalia.livejournal.com]

i wrote it, and then i worried about it. but i decided i loved the dialogue too much to go back and turn it into exposition. which is odd for me, because i never write dialogue. but i decided it sounded real and so i left it. it's going near the top of my to-write pile.

which is a long way of saying "i know it's confusing. thank you :)"

[starfishchick]

I do like the dialogue - it does sound real.

And it is confusing - you're welcome.

*hugs*