double drabble: untitled. sirius/remus

[marginalia]

[untitled] - sirius/remus
for 15minuteficlets. trying to break a block. totally didn't work.


i thought you were, one said, it seemed like it was true. yes, said another, it was obvious. oily voices in harsh brushstrokes around him.

you could not see everywhere, he said, and where you didn't, there was nothing.

in muggle films, half of the time there is only darkness on the screen. in the spaces people imagine that they see things, dreaming pictures in between, creating movement in their own minds. hogwarts portraits saw even less than that, even those that snuck from frame to frame to watch.

they created their own stories in the spaces between.

boys, sneaking through the corridors. each distinct. vibrating with youth and hormones. sometimes invisible, never silent. tonight only two, rhythms feeding, waves amplified and dangerous.

back here, one says, nox, says the other. light melts away. murmured voices, caught breath, robes rustling.

the faces are certain, knowing, some disapproving.

in the shadows, hands and will falter. there is too much youth, too much fear. it will not be tonight.

it will not be.

for those who watch, restrained, it is either a great horror or a great romance. the spaces in between will hold no hesitation.

they will hold even less truth.

Comments

[http://users.livejournal.com/faite_/]

I think it's beautiful, it has this great subtle atmosphere and undercurrents.

in the shadows, hands and will falter. there is too much youth, too much fear. it will not be tonight.

[marginalia.livejournal.com]

thank you!

[phineasjones.livejournal.com]

puzzling, maybe, but very pretty.

[marginalia.livejournal.com]

i'm puzzled too. normally that's a situation where more than 15 minutes would have been nice, but i'm not conviced it would have helped loads here ;) thank you!

[tipgardner.livejournal.com]

This is a mysterious, fascinating piece. Very lyrico-mystical. I dig it. The moodiness, the incredibly original point of view and the images ensnare the reader, hook in and draw forth strands of assumption, enquiry and enthusiasm.

Such beautiful abstraction:
in muggle films, half of the time there is only darkness on the screen. in the spaces people imagine that they see things, dreaming pictures in between, creating movement in their own minds.

Half the space in your piece is exactly that and it lets the mind fill in so much, offers so little and yet yields such bounty.

Very impressive.

[marginalia.livejournal.com]

this is amazing feedback. thank you so much!

[tipgardner.livejournal.com]

*doffs cap*

You're very welcome. :)

[offscreen.livejournal.com]

Sigh. I can't believe I didn't comment on this before. Just... sigh. Have I mentioned I want to write like you when I grow up?

[marginalia.livejournal.com]

am very honored :) thank you!

[dorrie6.livejournal.com]

Jaci, this is gorgeous. And I see people being puzzled... I must be filling the spaces in with my own mind, like the Muggles at the movies, because it all makes sense to me. :)

[marginalia.livejournal.com]

it makes more sense to me today. i really like the pov. thank you!