drabble: anxious - hermione

[marginalia]

[anxious] - hermione
part of dorrito's every flavour mood beans

In her dreams the words are insects, crawling in circles around the page. She flips through book after book, faster and faster, and they appear and melt away like the footprints on the Marauder's Map. Ink bleeds from the spine of the screaming book, spilling over her feet like water, like a failed birth, and even the words it yells are beyond her comprehension.

She opens her mouth but no words come out. They are lost to her, and without them she knows nothing.

Hermione awakes, sheets soaked through. She forces her breath slow to match the dreamers around her.

Comments

[phineasjones.livejournal.com]

spilling over her feet like water, like a failed birth

that image is so horribly perfect. i'm a bit in awe.

this is terrifying. and i feel like you must be incredibly close to hermione to understand a fear like this.

[marginalia.livejournal.com]

you know, i hadn't thought about it until today, but i do always say that i don't know anything, i just know where to find it. which is a flippant take on the same fear. hrm. interesting.

thank you!

[jarofjam.livejournal.com]

::jaw drops::

Wow.

[marginalia.livejournal.com]

thank you!

[dorrie6.livejournal.com]

<3<3<3<3

[marginalia.livejournal.com]

:D

[belovedsnail.livejournal.com]

i wish i could tell you why this is perfect, but i give the worst feedback for the things i like the most, i think. the frantic-ness here is so contagious (which may have something to do with the enormous amount of writing-for-school i should be doing), and this is just. Hermione.

this drabble, and the one dorrie6 posted yesterday have got me thinking about how interesting her POV is. before i fell into my Marauder-era rut, she was my favourite character, and you've captured her in such a great way that it's easy to remember why.

[marginalia.livejournal.com]

you? are lovely.

she wasn't ever my favourite character, but i have been thinking about that, and wondering if that might have more to do with the films and kloves appropriating bits of ron.

and this was the first drabble i wrote for this project, actually, because i had the basic image and i was just looking for an excuse to write it. wtg anxious!

[tipgardner.livejournal.com]

This is brilliant. It's lyrical and poetic, full of canon, full of dream fever fears and nightmares. I'm really left open jawed. The only thing that felt a bit off is the last sentence, where it seems that you left off a "to," presumably because of word count. Perhaps something like, "She forces herself to breath slower, matching those around her," would maintain the 100 words and sound a little less awkward, but I do like the sentence other than the missing word.

[marginalia.livejournal.com]

i didn't leave off a to - i used "breath" (the noun) rather than "breathe" (the verb). maybe i should have used breathing & a different construction, but i liked the rhythm of it that way.

thank you!

[tipgardner.livejournal.com]

No, that was my mistake. I unconciously put in the "e" as I read. The rhythm is quite interesting as it stands, and of course, either way, my oppinion is only that. Thanks again!

[marginalia.livejournal.com]

and i do appreciate that you said something at all! too often we get just praise, but feedback should encompass more than that :)

[tipgardner.livejournal.com]

Good on the ego, bad on the honing of writing skills, yeah? I definitely don't get enough constructive criticism, but for now, I can live with the compliments! ;)

[shinyredtype.livejournal.com]

Jaci, just...wow.

She opens her mouth but no words come out. They are lost to her, and without them she knows nothing.

So perfect. It's all just so beautiful.

[marginalia.livejournal.com]

thank you so much <3

[generalaria13.livejournal.com]

Lovin' the drabbles!

I especially liked the linked Amused/Annoyed - pansy/hermione one!!

Keep up the good work.

[marginalia.livejournal.com]

thanks!

be sure to feedback dorrie6 on that pair :D

[starfishchick]

What a horrible dream! But you've captured the sense of a dream so perfectly. *shudder*

[marginalia.livejournal.com]

which is so weird because my dreams? i never remember :)

thank you!